.....Mohan's POV.....

"BARSANA" , the place where all this - this whole story started, the place which is known as birthplace of "Shri Radha Rani ji". It was almost all evening, the redness of the sun was mixing in the sacred water of "Prem Sarovar". The holy breeze of the holy place brushing all over everyone's faces.

It is said that this sarovar was created from the tears of Shri Krishna and Radha ji - considered to be the symbol of their love and the pain of their separation. Even the air of these holy places makes us feel their love, everyone wants love like theirs in their life but no one wants the sorrow, separation and pain of their love.

This is the month of June, which means the time of children's vacations. I and master ji.....oops - I mean my college best friend "Raghvendra Mishra" were sat beside the sarovar. He is a school teacher and that too a maths teacher - India's 90% population's hated subject. I call him "Master ji" because of his profession, which annoys him a lot.

Slowly the redness of the sun also got absorbed in the Prem Sarovar - and the darkness was making it's place in the sky with the shining sparkle of the moon and stars. Suddenly my eyes fell on a girl, who was dancing in Ghaghra (long skirt) and Choli (blouse) with her friend. The Dupatta was on her left shoulder covering her chest and waist and from behind it was tucked on right side of her waist.

"It was all felt like I found my Radha" - her laughter was making that sacred place even more sacred. Although there was light all around, still I was not able to see her face due to the distance - maybe her eyes pupils were black, which were moving in her eyes with her while dancing.

The noise of her anklets and bangles were bringing peace to my ears like music, suddenly a bright light fell on her face due to which she placed her palm in front of her face - the dance stopped. She was slowly lowering her hand, my heart had a relief that now I will be able to see her but bad luck.

"Tulsi didi" - a girl called her out - shouting, she turned towards her.

"Aai" - Tulsi replied her and turned towards her friend, whom I ignored completely and to take revenge from me - for that, she also stood in front of Tulsi due to which I could not see her face again.

I was cursing her like hell, if she had not come in between - I would have definitely seen her today. I was barely able to hear the conversations between the two, Tulsi was waving her hand while going away from her friend and saying bye to her......and yessssssssss.

I saw her, yes - yesss - yessss!!!!! My heart was screaming so loud in itself, she gave so many flying kisses to her friend and finally goes away with the girl who had called out to her.

"Waise aise ladki ko dekhna ek crime hai Mohan" - Master ji said, looking at me with serious expression.

"Ladki? Kaun ladki??? Main kyon kisi ladki ko dekhne lagaa??? - I asked immediately looking at him - pretending unaware of his words, hardly managing my heart to scream out loud that - "yessssss I was watching her - and finally I can say I had love at first sight".

"Dost se jhuth???" - he raised his left brow

"Heheeeheeee - haa main dekh rahaa tha" - I showed my tooth, said immediately - "Lekin koi galat nazar se nahi, yaar meri shaadi karwaa de usse." - I requested - cried without tears like a two yrs old kid.

"Mujhe pataa hai tu koi galat nazar se nahi dekh rhaa tha lekin aise ladki ko dekhna galat hota hai" - he told seriously, looking at sarovar

[ I know you were not looking at her with any wrong intentions but it is wrong to look at a girl like this ]

"Pata hai galat hota hai lekin main usko alag nazar se dekh rhaa tha." - I (pouting lips)

"Kis nazar se dekh rahe the zaraa bataaiye- Mohan ji" - he asked, resting his head in his palm which was supported by his thighs, glancing at me.

I looked at sarovar for sometime thinking how I should explain my pure glance on her. I sang - blushing hard -

"Mohan ke man ko lubhaaye gayi re,

Barsane ki chhori, Radha gori - gori..."

[ She have tempted Mohan's heart, Barsana's girl, the girl - Radha ]

Turning my glance at him, with a wide smile on my face. He smiled too after listening my song, teased - "Toh Mohan ji ko pehli nazar ka pyaar huaa hai."

"Pyaar nahi baalak, hume prem huaa hai" - I said with serious expression like a saint giving blessings, then grabbed his left bicep and requested like a kid again -

"Please shaadi karwa de yaar, maine sirf uskaa naam suna-uska naam tulsi hai. Ab please usko dhundh de, dost ke liye itna nahi karega???" - I asked

[ Please get me married yaar, I have only heard her name - her name is Tulsi. Now please find her, will you not do this much for friend ]

"Itna aasan thodi hai Mohan, Barsana itna chhota thodi hai ki naam pataa kar lene se koi mil jaayega - kitni tulsi hongi Barsana mein." - he makes me understand

[ It is not that easy Mohan, Barsana is not that small that you will find someone just by knowing the name - how many Tulsi will be there in Barsana ]

My face turned pale by his reality check, I hit him hard on back with a punch - "Reality check dena bandkar aur dost ke kaam aa thoda, khud to tees ka budhaau hone ko aaya hai aur chaahta ki main bhi ho jaau. Naa khud shaadi kar rahaa hai naa meri help kar raha hai."

[ Stop giving reality check and help your friend a little, you yourself are about to become an old man of thirty and wants me to become one too. Neither are you getting married nor helping me ]

He stared at me, my mind hit something suddenly. I screamed a little - "uski dost yahaan hai naa, usko toh pataa hoga. Ruk bulaata hoon."

And I turned my head to see her friend but she had moved from there and the place was empty. My face became palm once again in sadness, glancing at master ji - I cried by fake sobbing but real emotions - "woh bhi chali gayi, ab main apni Tulsi ko kaise dhundhungaa."

Wrapping his left hand in my neck, he laughed - "kismat me Tulsi hogi toh mil hi jaayegi warna dil dukhaane ki need nahi hai, ab hotel chal subah mathura bhi jaana hai."

[ If there is Tulsi in the destiny - you will get her, otherwise there is no need to hurt your feelings, now let's go to the hotel, we have to go to Mathura in the morning too ]

He stood holding my wrist, dragging my hand upwards to make me stand - "Mohan uth ab, bhul jaa yaar use. Kitne logo ko dekhte hai yaar din bhar mein, sabke liye royega kyaa?"

"Lekin woh kitne logo mein nahi thi yaar, hum kahaan kisi ko dekhte hai. Main sach mein ro dungaa." - I said, voice filled with sadness - tears almost in my eyes, I stood.

[ But she was not among so many people yaar, we don't look at anyone. I will cry for real ]

He hugged me, consoled - "Don't worry, kismat mein hogi toh milegi hi wapas. Ab chal hotel." - we left

And fate really did its work, "Tulsi" - the girl whom I tried a lot to forget but could not, was in front of me once again today. We were sitting on chairs facing each other, there was just a round table distance between us - two cups of tea and samosas kept on the table, but my eyes were fixed on my Tulsi.

Yaa I know that she is not mine yet but I am sitting here right now to make her mine, today my family has brought me to the house of the girl whom I was trying to forget for the last one month - asking for her hand for me, yes - my family have seen Tulsi for me.

For her it would be an arranged marriage, but for me it is a love marriage. After all, the love of my first sight - is in front of me, how can I say no for her? Yes, my family was looking for a match for me for quite some years but master ji was the right one, if my destiny had Tulsi - I will get her.

Both of our families were talking on the ground floor, we were on the first floor - they had sent us to talk alone. Fifteen minutes had passed but Tulsi had not even looked at me till now, even when we were with the family, she did not see me or anyone else - maybe she doesn't want to marry or she might have a boyfriend and her family is forcing her into this relationship, thinking about this my heart almost stopped.

"Aap thik hai?" - I have finally started the discussion, but she only nodded in positive - bending her head down. I think she is feeling uncomfortable - ofcourse, which girl starts talking like a yapper in the first meet.

"Aap please comfortable ho jaaiye, main koi exam nahi lene baithaa hoon aapka - please relax." - I relaxed her, making the situation comfortable for her.

"I'm good" - she whispered, barely audible.

"Ok - toh aapko jo bhi puchhna hai aap puchh sakti hai." - I said smilingly

"Mujhe kuch nahi puchhna." - she again whispered, still digging her head in her chest - maybe she was rubbing her fingers under the table in nervousness.

"Aap agar buraa naa maane toh kya meri taraf dekh kar baat kar sakti hai? Aur thoda tez aawaz mein warna thik hai - thoda waqt lag raha hai par main samjh gya aapne kya bola." - I respectfully requested, trying not to make her embarrass

[ If you don't mind, can you look at me and talk to me? And it'll be good if you speak in a slightly louder voice otherwise it's ok - it takes sometime but I understood what you said ]

And finally after taking two minutes she slowly raised her head, now her face was in front of me but she still had her eyes lowered.

"Kya aap yeh shaadi nahi karna chahti?" - I asked her - curiously

"Aisa nahi hai." - she replied, this time her voice was audible - her voice was like a beautiful song comes to my ears and reaches my heart...maybe god spent a lot of time for mixing mishri (sugar) in her sweet voice.

"Toh kya aapka koi bf hai?" - I asked, looking at her - my heart was beating so fast in fear, willing to hear a big no from her.

"Nahi" - finally she replied, my heart felt so much relief but then she added - "Actually mera bf nahi hai par mera ex tha - it was a long distance."

She finally glanced at me, her eyes - what should I tell about her beautiful eyes...I just sang in my mind, looking into her eyes -

"Chehra hai yaa chaand khila hai??

Zulf ghaneri shaam hai kyaa???

Sagar jaisi aankhon waali......

Yeh toh bataa tera naam kyaa hai??"

The upper three lines were fitting perfectly on her face, hair and eyes - last line did not break because I already knew her name. I have given the answer to myself within myself - her face is more beautiful than the moon because the moon also has spots, the hair is so thick that even the evening darkness seems pale. The eyes are so beautiful that the depth of the ocean can be comprehended."

"I know ab aapko dikkat hone waali hai ki mera ek ex hai - which is ok for me...aap manaa kar sakte hai rishte ke liye main bas clear kar rahi thi ki mera past tha." - This was the first time in our conversation that she had spoken such a long line.

[ I know now you are going to have a problem that I have an ex - which is ok for me... you can say no for the marriage, I was just clarifying that I had a past ]

"Aisa kuch nahi hai - past sabka hota hai, mujhe toh accha lagaa ki aap humare beech sab clear rakhna chaahti hai." - I said smilingly

[ It is not like that - the past happens to everyone, I liked that you want to keep everything clear between us ]

"Waise aapko mere baare mein kuch nahi puchhna?" - I asked - hesitated

"Nahi" - she replied

"Kyon? Aapko nahi jaanana ki aap kaise aadmi se shaadi kar rahi hai aur woh kyaa karta hai?" - I questioned again, being curious

[ Why? You don't want to know what kind of person you are going to marry and what does he do? ]

"Main aapko moti aur kaali nahi lagi kya?"- she asked, face full of confusion and curiousness, suddenly the topic was changed.

"Nahi - kisne kahaa ki aap moti hai or kaali hai? Aap bahut khubsurat hai." - I replied smilingly, making her comfortable.

A shocking expression appeared on her face, maybe by my answer. I mean yes - she is not zero figure but she is too cute to hold in arms, she will be so cozy like a teddy in my arms. She is not even over - weight, she is healthy by look, giving a chubby cozy vibes around her. Coming to her face - she has a wheatish skin tone but you can't say all black tone. Her cheeks will be so soft to pull, how can she even dare to say herself kaali and moti - pagal kahi ki.

She suddenly stood up and asked - "Ab dekhiye - kya main abhi bhi aapko moti nahi lagti?" I was a bit shocked because sometime ago this girl was not even looking at me and now she is asking this stupid questions.

"Ji nahi, aap cute hai - moti nahi." - I said without hesitation

"Accha aapko mere daanto (tooth) se toh dikkat hogi hi? I mean bhagwan ne thode ulte seedhe arrange kar diye hai." - saying this, she shrinked her lips - not make me able to see her tooth.

"Aap pehle baith jaaiye - aur yeh kaise sawaal hai kaali - moti - aur ab daant??? Mujhe aapke daanto se nahi, aapse shaadi karni hai." - I made her comfortable for her looks - smilingly

She sat, then asked with lower tone - "Accha meri height se toh dikkat hogi hi? Itni chhoti biwi chalegi aapko?"

"Are you minor?" - I asked - doubtfully

"No - I'm 23, burden on my father now." - she smiled bitterly, her last five words made me curious, I was about to ask when her sister Sonal came and interrupted -

"Didi, sab bulaa rahe hai aap dono ko."

We looked at her, Tulsi stood and said to her - "Yeh plates uthaa le."

Sonal came near us and take the samosa's plate, Tulsi take the tea's tray and said to me - "Chaliye" - we headed towards the stairs.

.....Tulsi's POV.....

We all came down, Sonal and I had kept the tea and samosas in the kitchen. Our families were talking and laughing with each others like they know each other from years. Mohan ji's father said to us - "Aao-aao beta, baitho."

We both sat on the chairs, uncle asked smilingly - "Toh kuch faislaa kiya baat karke yaa thoda sochne ka waqt chahiye?"

Then to Mohan ji - "Tum bataao bhai, waqt chahiye ki faisla kar liya?"

"Meri taraf se haa hai." - Mohan ji announced his wish, making me stunned - I mean how he can say yes infront of everyone, if it was his answer then why didn't he tell me in alone first.

What will I do now - every single gaze is stuck on me now. Papa questioned - "Tum kya sochi ho beta? Jaldi nahi hai, time chahiye toh le lo."

I am aware of his sweet behavior in front of guests, you all are thinking that how caring my father is. Yes - he is!!! But in front of society, this does not mean that he humiliates us alone. I don't know how to explain - what kind of my father is, because till now - I have not been able to understand himself by myself.

He is good at home, he loves us as well and also fulfills our wishes but he is very abusive when he is angry. He is asking me to take time, but since I turned 18 - he has asked all the relatives to find a well settled boy for me of his caste. I had just passed 12th - and talks about my marriage started. I don't know why a girl's life is limited only to marriage and children???

I know that after the departure of the guests, they will ask a lot of questions to me - What did you say? Did you laughing too much? You talked properly? Blah - blah - blah!!!!

"Meri bhi haa hai" - finally I announced my decision too, bowing my head - not even trying to look at my would be.

Everyone started congratulating me and Mohan ji, they were feeding each other the sweets kept on the table from before and my eyes were filled with tears. You all might be wondering why I said yes suddenly, but I had already thought yes, my decision was made without even seeing Mohan ji that no matter what kind of relationship it is - I will say yes.

I am not going to feel any sorrow in leaving my family, because I was already in jail - that is why now I have made my decision to change my jail. Maybe I would have got the bigger jail this time, because I am not getting any happiness - the things which I never got in my own home, how will I get it from someone else's home.

Papa sat on chair and said to uncle, happily - "Kundali to pehle se hee battees (32) gun milaa rahi hai bhai sahab aur baccho ki bhi haa ho gayi hai, toh ab accha saa muhurat dikhaa lete hai pandit ji se."

[ The horoscope is already showing thirty-two gunas and children are also said yes, so now let's get a good auspicious time from Pandit ji ]

"Haa bilkul bhai saahab, ab toh bas apne dusre saahabdaaze ko ghodi chadhte dekhna hai." - Uncle replied, even more happier, after all the formalities they stood.

Everyone said namaste too each other and started leaving, Mohan ji was looking at me - maybe for my glance, when mummy said to me - "Tulsi, pair chhuo sabke."

I stood, aunty said - "Pair chhune ki jarurat nahi hai, humare ghar ki hone wali lakshmi ho. Ab toh bas accha saa muhurat dekh kar tumhe le jaayenge apne saath."

[ There is no need to touch the feets, you are would be lakshmi of our house. Now we will just wait for the auspicious time and take you with us ]

And she hugged me, the hug was so motherily - suddenly I cried out loud, I put my palm on my mouth to shut me. But everyone heard my sobbing, aunty made me away from her and consoled -

"Rone waali kyaa baat hai bacche? Hum abhi thodi le jaa rahe hai - shaant ho jaao." - she wiped my tears herself and grabbed me in her warm embrace again, this time I just closed my eyes and controlled myself to not to cry.

She caressed my hair, said lovingly - "Shaant ho jaao, abhi toh muhurat bhi nahi mila aur abhi se itna ro rahi ho."

Everyone was thinking that I am crying to go away from my family but how do I tell them that I am crying to get my jail changed, my life would be worse than hell. But still I want to leave my old hell, if it were up to me I would go with everyone right now.

Aunty went away from me, while caressing my cheek she said - "Kitni sundar aankhein hai, aasoo bilkul acche nahi lag rahe - chalo saaf karo inhe."

She was wiping my tears herself while pouring so much love on me, I hope this love wouldn't fade after marriage. I have heard a lot that mother-in-law acts good only while seeing the girl for her son, her real face is known only after marriage

"Mohan - number do gudiya ko apna, aur sunday ko ise ghumaane bhi lekar jaana." - Aunty ordered, making me stunned.

Mohan ji came to me and said with sweetest voice - "Number lijiye."

"Mera phone room mein hai, aap mera number le lijiye." - I said - still sobbing, my head was still lowered little, I gave him my number and he saved it - doesn't know by which name. After final goodbye - everyone leaved giving me blessings.

Mummy and Papa dropped everyone off at the cab, which was outside our gate from five minutes. Sonal aur ladoo immediately came to the hall, both sat on the chair and started eating all the snacks kept on the table - for which they were waiting for long, afterall priority matters.

I took out the clutcher from my hair and started tying my hairs - sitting on the chair, I also started enjoying samosa and coke comfortably, afterall priority matters no. Papa and mummy came back, mummy told me - "Ab kaise baithkar khaa rahi hai, unke saamne toh badaa rona aa rahaa tha."

"Wahi toh - humse toh jab dekho shaadi nahi karungi kahti hai aur ab aaram se haa karke samosaa khaa rahi hai." - papa said, grabbing samosa too.

"Haa toh unke saamne khaati toh aapki izzazt nahi chali jaati." - I taunted

"Waise tu sach mein haa boli hai yaa bas kahne ke liye bol di hai." - mummy asked holding my chair from behind

I replied - "Khud hi kahaa hai, kahne ke liye kyaa hota hai?" - taking a sip of coke.

"Accha hai jaldi jaa, jagah khaali ho." - sonal said

"Mujhe teri shaqal dekhne ka shauk bhi nahi hai." - I frowned my face in boredom

"Waise didi shaadi ke baad jab aayegi toh momo khilaayegi naa?" - Ladoo asked, having second samosa

"Main shaadi ke baad kabhi is ghar mein nahi aane waali, even main sabke number bhi block kar dungi." - I started leaving

"Yeh akad sudhar le beta, saas jab maaregi tab pataa chalega." - papa taunted me, but it was all joke for him - he never thought how I feel thinking of that situation.

"Koi baat nahi - woh jo bhi karegi main aapko bataane toh nahi hi aaungi." - I said looking at him and moved upstairs.

I was rolling on my cemented floor in my room - for saying it was my sibling's too but I ruled it because this is not just a room for me - this is my comfort zone where I stuck to my phone whole day and night.

I write novels on online platforms, it gives me some earning but from some quite months it's not happening because of reader's low retention. I have kept some of my first earnings saved till now so that I am not forced to beg in front of Papa right now. It's 11 pm and my whole family was sleeping in the hall of the same floor - 1st.

We only have one cooler, it is July, although it is raining weather but not a single drop is falling at the moment. I'm in my comfort zone with my fan, not dieing for the cooler as I would had to leave my room for that. We live in a separate house of fifty yards, that too is on rent. It has ground floor, first floor and the terrace - comfortable enough for five people.

We do not live in a very fancy place, this is a very common place where there are very common streets. Where you'll get to see stupid but quiet interesting fights in between two neighbors the every second day. It is not that I did not try to do a job - it is just that I could not do the job. If I don't like the work then I don't want to do it even if I get an offer of lakhs or crores, after all if something cannot be done with heart then it cannot be good either.

I tried very hard to become a good daughter in my father's eyes but in the end I could not become anything more than a burden. He taunts me in the name of joke - "Jab saas maaregi naa tab pataa chalega? Jab wahaan kaam karna padega naa toh yahaan ki saari aish yaad aayegi - baap ke ghar toh bahut aish mil rha hai na isliy akad nahi jaati."

[ When your mother-in-law will beat you, then you will know. When you have to work there, then you will remember all the freedom of this place. At father's house, you are getting a lot of comfort here naa - that is why your ego is not decreasing ]

"Aish????" what kind of aish I'm having in his house, taunts to be useless - taunts of marriage - taunt of being a burden.....these kind of aish he talks about???

At this time I am chatting online with my dearest friend "Vaidehi Mishra" - a long distance bestie. We met in an author GC on Insta, although now that GC is no longer but now both of us are together. She knows that today guests were coming to see me for marriage and we are currently talking about that.

I - "Wahi toh main bhi sochu yaar mere apne gharwaale mujhme itni kami nikaal dete hai aadhe ghante pehle jisne mujhe dekha woh mujhe khubsurat kaise bol sakta hai."

[ That's what I also think yaar, my family members find so many shortcomings in me, how can the person who saw me half an hour ago call me beautiful ]

Vedu - "Tu na bahut jyada soch rahi hai Tosu.....tu bahut khubsurat hai babu aur wahi usne bhi dekha hai, finally mujhe mera jiju mil gya....yeahh 🥳🥳"

[ You are thinking too much Tosu.... you are very beautiful babu and he has also seen the same, finally I have found my brother-in-law....yeah ]

I can feel her excitement even in her typed words just over phone, I typed -

"Vedu yaar, behanchaare mein chalta hain...lekin woh mujhe shaadi ke liye pasand karke gayaa hai 🤡"

[ Vedu yaar, it's ok in sisterhood...but he has chosen me for marriage ]

"Bhai tu dost hai - ofcourse hum dono andhe ek dusre ko sirf galat mein hi support karte hai lekin uski aankhon ko kyaa huaa tha jo use main sundar lag gayi 😭😭😭" - I texted again

[ Bro you are friend - of course we both support each other only in wrong but what happened to his eyes that he found me beautiful ]

Vedu - "chhod main bas chahti hoon ki jise tu jail soch rahi woh tera swarg ho 💗💖"

I - "hope so yaar 🤞🌺" - and then we continued are nonsense.

We met last month at Prem Sarovar, she had come to visit Barsana with her entire family - so we also met when we got the chance. I did not tell anyone at home that I was going to meet an online friend because according to my parents there are only fraudsters online.

I had taken only Sonal with me, but she would not tell this at home - I know that. We wandered around a lot in Prem Sarovar in the evening, Vedu and I also danced. Not only do we both have same vibes, we also have a very good match at pervetness. We will show each other the dreams of fictional man all day long, we will share the reels of gymrats and say - "dekh behan kya maal hai?"

One illiterate is teaching another illiterate to read - this is the same thing, Both of us are not aware of our careers - especially me - yet we still dream of becoming rich. And we also know that we will not become rich by watching reels of half naked men all day long, still we will do the same all day long.

I - "chal soja ab, good night my honeybee 😘💮"

Vedu - "Ha thik hai soja aur jyada mat sochna apne Mohan ji ke baare mein, tujhe bahut accha sasural milega mera aashirwaad hai 😂💖"

[ Ok go to sleep and don't think too much about your Mohan ji, you will get a very good in-law, I bless you ]

I - "Haa didi ek saal badi hona, buddhiya kahi ki....sharam kar le main pehle shaadi kar rahi...bhai mujhe dar lag raaa tera devar hot huaa toh? 😭😭😭"

[ Yes sister, you are one year older, an old woman.....have some shame, I am getting married first... bro I am feeling scared, what if you had a hot brother-in-law?]

Vedu - "Idhr pati ka thikaana nahi tu devar ki soch le.....yaar koi pasand hi nahi aa rha toh kya karu? Novels padhkar standard itne high kar liye hai...😭😭"

[ Here I'm not even aware of husband - you think about brother-in-law...yaar, if I am not liking anyone then what should I do? We have raised our standards so much by reading novels...]

I - "Same yaar...I mean Mohan ji itne bure nahi dikhte even mujhse toh kaafi behtar hee dikhte hai lekin bhai woh fictional man waali body nahi hai 😭😭"

[ Same friend... I mean Mohan ji doesn't look that bad, even though he looks much better than me, but bro, he doesn't have the body of a fictional man ]

Vedu - 😭😭😭 soja behan, jo mil raha usi me khush rahenge..."

I - "Haa thik hai, bye - good night donut 💖💮"

Vedu - "Bye - good night cupcake 🧁💖"

After saying final goodbye to each other - I scrolled the reels for a while and then started writing my novel. This is my routine - staying awake till late night, then sleeping till three or four o'clock or even then if I am unable to sleep. Then I get up till ten or eleven in the morning - my mother starts screaming. But now it doesn't matter to me if someone shouts at me because I am not an indian serial's heroine who will tolerate everything.

After waking up I will straightaway grab my phone and open Instagram - will see my reach's downfall there - then for a few moments I will leave my laziness and go to the washroom and after that brush my teeth. After that I again came back to my comfort zone and picked up my phone, neither did I have to worry about food nor about the family members.

Yes I am a very bad daughter.....I have nothing to do with my family members and I do not want to tell the reason for it as talking about the sorrow does not reduce it - only becomes a joke. After scrolling reels - messaging vedu - writing some chapters of my novels, I will again leave my laziness and go take a bath. Yaa - I feel very lazy even for taking bath, this is a very long procedure for me yaar.

Oh yes - I have not told you that I do not do any household work, I mean I do but when it's my mood - or else when there is no one at home. I know all the household chores but before doing that I feel lazy first so I don't do. The second reason is that no matter how much work I do, I do not do anything in my mother's eyes.

So I did not do chores for this reason - when I have to hear taunts even after doing it, then why did I not listen to them without doing it - at least there would be a valid reason for the taunts that I did not do the work. Everyone will wonder what a useless child I am - yes I am, I had already said it. It is not that I did not try to become good child - I did - but in the end I realise that only money is important. My mother is kind, caring, loving but when you need a emotional support, she can't give that.

It is not that she does not love me - yes she does, but she loves me more when I have money. When I was earning from novels, she did not ask me to do any work - but when she came to know that my income had stopped, her love reduced. As long as the money was coming in she did not tell me anything about writing novels, but as soon as the money stopped coming in, that work became useless.

I don't hate my family, but I don't even love them so much that I can sacrifice everything for them. They only sees my failure, but I also put efforts - they do not notice it, so I stopped putting efforts. Now I stay at home - like a burden which my father will give to someone else now. I am currently doing online college and that too only for the degree, before this I had dropped three years for a job, which I also did. But after seeing so much love of my family, I felt that my family does not deserve so much of my hard work, so I left my job and sat at home permanently.

Now my younger siblings also taunt me that I stay at home - but I have got so used to it that I hear it from one ear and let it go from the other. I will tell you about my sister when I get time. Her relation is so entangled with me that even I am unable to understand it. Bhai - I have the best relationship with him, if I really care for someone in my house then that is only my brother.

This may be also because I know that he is the only son, so after me and Sonal, all the pressure will be put on him. After all, there are only two reasons why sons are born in India - "one - to become a support to their oldage and the other - to carry forward their lineage." Afterall I am a bad daughter no, so they had no expectations from me - of course, so eventually - all the pressure forwaded to my brother, that's why I pity on him.

Sonal comes between us but she has just finished her 12th so now she is being sent to hostel so that she can study nursing, and that course is of three years. And by the time her course gets over, till then Ladoo will have completed his 12th, which means more pressure will be on him because in our house - you completed your 12th, now you can do a job.

So this is my beloved family, whom I do not hate but do not love either. Now I just want to get free from this prison by getting married, because I have already got the treatment of in-laws at my maternal house, so I will not feel bad at all in real in-law's house. Who knows, I might get a bigger jail, but as is my fate, I am committing sins even after thinking this. Seeing news nowadays, for me there is no bigger sin than marriage and now I am going to commit that sin myself, I hope I will not be found in the fridge or suitcase.

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